Head Above Water Read online

  “You met Dad at the beach? I never knew that.”

  Mom nods, a mixture of happiness and sadness evident on her face. “Funny huh? You and your dad are so much alike. Both of you love the beach.”

  I think about how my mom once loved the beach too. Then again, she used to love a lot of things. My conviction to teach Harper to swim is even deeper now. I don’t want her to end up like my mom – depressed, lonely and fearful.

  “How did it happen?” I ask.

  “What?”

  “You saw dad at the beach, but how did you end up dating him?”

  “Oh.” A flicker of a smile. “Actually I fell. I was running down the beach and tripped over a rock. Your dad caught me. He used to joke that I fell for him the minute I saw him.”

  I grin. “That sounds like Dad.”

  “Yeah. It does.” She hugs herself, rubbing her arms. Darkness sweeps over her eyes. She’s retreating back into herself. I’m losing her again. “Have fun tonight.” With her head bowed she turns around. “I think I’m going to lie down.”

  My stomach drops. I curse myself for asking all those questions. She had been making progress too. For a moment, I wonder if I should cancel plans with Harper and stay here with Mom. It’s what I would normally do in this situation. Only this is Harper, not one of my guy friends, and I really want to see her. Feeling torn, I step into the hallway. I hear the click of Mom’s bedroom door as she closes it. The house is silent and dark. The only sound is the ticking of the clock and water dripping from the leaky faucet in the guest bathroom. I stand still listening to the insistent dripping. My cell buzzes in my pocket and I yank it out.

  Harper: You’re late.

  I glance at the time. 5:31.

  Grinning, I know exactly what I’m going to do.

  Me: Sorry. On my way

  17

  HARPER

  “THERE ARE MORE people out here this time.” I toss my towel in the sand and kick off my flip flops. Already families and couples are scattered down the beach and several people are dipping in the water.

  “That’s because someone didn’t want to get up early,” Tag teases, dancing around me wearing a goofy grin.

  I have to admit, it’s pretty cute. “Saturdays were made for sleeping in.”

  “Not for me. I usually work and have to be here at six am.”

  “Ugh. I couldn’t do it. Sleeping in is like one of my favorite things.” I peel off my cover up and discard it next to my towel. When I look up Tag has ditched his shirt, and that sexy chest with the hard muscles and tattoo is right in my face. I suck in a breath, wondering if I’ll ever get used to seeing his body. I seriously hope not. I like the idea that Tag will always take my breath away.

  “Really?” Tag nestles in beside me, his arm sliding around my waist. “What are some of your other favorite things?”

  “Hmmm.” I start counting them off on my fingers. “Coffee, grilled cheese sandwiches, popcorn, going to the movies, sitting next to a fire on a cold night.” Pausing, I realize how dumb I sound. “Okay, I feel like I’m placing a personal ad.”

  “You better not be placing a personal ad.” He snatches up my hand, weaving my fingers through his and tugging me toward the water.

  “Don’t worry. Even when I was single I never would’ve done that.”

  “How does a girl like you stay single? I bet you had guys asking you out every day.”

  I almost laugh at the absurdity. Tag may find me irresistible, but he’s the only one. Guys have never been clamoring to date me. “Hardly.” We reach the water and I stop, dread sinking into my gut. “Please tell me we’re only going to stand in the water like last time.”

  Tag flashes me an apologetic smile. “Not this time, I’m afraid.”

  “Is it too late to back out?” I take a step backward.

  “Nope. It’s never too late.” Tag bridges the gap between us and takes me in his arms. “I’ll never make you do this. I was telling the truth before. Anytime you want out, you say the word.” The sun shines behind him haloing his head and making him look like an angel. Sometimes I feel like he is. Like he’s an angel that was sent here to save me.

  I take a deep breath, leaning into him. It feels so good when his strong arms are around me, holding me tight. “No. I want to do this.”

  “You sure?” His eyes search mine.

  “Yeah.” I nod, running my hands up his arms and resting them at his neck. My fingers find the edge of his hair. I love the way it curls ever so slightly at the ends. “As long as you don’t let go of me, I’ll be fine.”

  “I promised you I wouldn’t let you go, and I meant it.”

  “I know. I wanted to hear you say it again.”

  “I’ll give you as much reassurance as you need, baby.”

  I feel my cheeks flush slightly. It’s the second time he’s called me that and I love it this time as much as the first. No one has ever treated me like Tag does. Sometimes it scares the crap out of me. The more time I spend with him, the more I realize I don’t want to know what it feels like to be without him. And that’s not a good thing because I know how quickly someone can be ripped from your life without any warning at all. The feel of Tag’s fingers stroking my back bring me back to the present and force the morbid thoughts away. My anxiety and fears have kept people at a distance my whole life. Today I want to be with Tag, and I’m not going to let anything stand in my way.

  “Then let’s go.” I allow my chest to expand and the tightness dissipates a bit.

  “Okay.” Tag’s hands fall away from my waist and I feel exposed and cold. Then he bends his legs, wraps one arm around my back and one under my legs. Before I can register what’s happening, he lifts me into the air. Startled, I wrap my arms around his neck and grip him tightly.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Carrying you,” he says simply, like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

  The last time someone picked me up I was a little girl. It’s kind of weird, but also kind of awesome. I nestle into his neck, enjoying his minty scent and the feel of his hands on my body. Then a thought hits me.

  “I’m not too heavy for you, am I?”

  He cocks an eyebrow. “Are you questioning my strength?”

  I shake my head and laugh. “Never.”

  “Good. Besides, you’re light as a feather.”

  “Sure.” I roll my eyes as he steps further into the ocean. Once the water hits his waist, it brushes the bottom of my toes and a shiver runs through me. “You’re not going to toss me in, are you?” I’m only half joking.

  Tag stops, staring at me with an intense expression that causes my heart to leap into my throat. “Harper, I would never do that. I won’t let go of you. You trust me, right?”

  Swallowing hard, I nod. “Yes, I do.”

  He smiles. “I’ve got you, baby.”

  “I feel like a baby when you carry me like this,” I say with a grin.

  “I didn’t mean to make you feel that way.”

  I run my fingers through his hair. “I like it.” Feeling bold, I add, “When you carry me and when you call me baby.”

  “Really?” He raises both brows. “That’s good, because I like it too. Carrying you and calling you baby.” His lips meet mine in a rush of passion. It ends way too soon, and I lean forward for more.

  Tag shakes his head. “Later.”

  “You’re no fun.” I stick my bottom lip out in a pout.

  “What kind of teacher would I be if I spent all of our lessons kissing you instead of teaching you?”

  “The best teacher ever.”

  He chuckles, a rich deep chuckle that makes me smile. I know I’ll never tire of making him laugh. He takes a few steps forward, and now my ankles are in the water. Chills skate up my legs. Pretty soon the cold water floats to my thighs. True to his word, Tag keeps holding me until we are both chest deep in the water. I shiver against him and my teeth chatter.

  “You’ll be fine in a minute,” he says.
r />   I nod, knowing he’s right. The last time it only took a couple minutes before my legs were numb and I adjusted to the temperature. My gaze scours the beach, and I see a female lifeguard watching us. Something about her intense stare in our direction causes a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach. “Who’s that?” I point.

  Tag cranes his neck, his body stiffening beneath me. “Sarah.” There’s a hint of something familiar when he says her name. It makes me wonder what her story is, how she’s connected to Tag. I know so little about Tag’s social life or his dating life prior to meeting me.

  “Is she a friend of yours?” I’m fishing, but I don’t care.

  The girl lifts her hand in a wave. Tag doesn’t return it, which seems odd.

  “Not really. We just work together.” He turns his back on her quickly. Too quickly.

  “Okay.” I decide to let it go for now, but I’m still a little suspicious. However, I’ve got more important things to worry about right now, like the fact that I’m in the water and I don’t know what Tag’s going to make me do today. “So what’s the plan this time?”

  “I’m going to teach you to float,” he explains. “But today I’ll hold you the whole time, okay?”

  “Okay.” I bite my lip.

  Tag’s gaze lingers on my mouth. “Damn,” he mutters.

  “What?”

  “Nothing.”

  “No. Tell me.” I touch his face.

  “You bite your lip a lot.”

  “I do? Is that a bad thing?”

  “Only if you want me to focus.”

  I giggle. “You’ve got my life in your hands. I totally need you to focus.”

  “Okay, I’m focused.” He cradles the back of my head with his hand. It feels amazing the way his fingers brush over my scalp. “I’m going to slowly bring your head back. It’s going to feel weird, but I need you to keep trusting me. Alright, baby?”

  I nod, and without thinking bite my lip as he starts to slowly guide my head back.

  “Oh hell. I thought you weren’t going to distract me.”

  “Oops. Sorry.” I drag my teeth off my lips. My body involuntarily clenches as Tag keeps guiding my head back even further. It feels like I’m in a free fall.

  “It’s okay. I’ve got you,” he reassures me. “Now let go of my neck.”

  “No,” the words leap out.

  “Harper, I’m still holding you.”

  I exhale and reluctantly let go of him. My head is now on top of the water with my face upward staring at the bright sunshine.

  “Now put your arms out and lay them on top of the water.”

  As scary as it is, I do as I’m told. With the arm that’s under my legs, Tag pushes my legs to the surface. I feel like I’m making a snow angel with the water, but what’s weird is that it’s not that bad. Of course, Tag’s hands on my skin might have something to do with that.

  “You’re doing it. You’re floating,” Tag says.

  “Well, not really. I mean, not by myself.”

  “No, but even if I let go you’d be fine.”

  I panic. “Don’t.”

  “I’m not going to. Not today,” He says firmly, and I relax.

  “But you are in the water and you’re not freaking out.”

  “I bet I look like a freak though,” I murmur, hearing voices and splashes around us. Kids are even swimming all by themselves. They probably are making fun of me right now.

  “Don’t worry about what other people think.” He bends over me, stamping a kiss on my forehead. “I’m proud of you.”

  I lie on the water staring up at the clear blue sky and revel in his statement. I’m proud of you. Suddenly nothing else matters. Not my past. Not Heather’s death, Mom’s expectations or Dad’s distance. Not what the others on the beach think. Tag is proud of me. I cling to that like a precious gift, because really that’s what it is.

  18

  TAG

  “YOU’RE REALLY GOING to let go this time?” Harper’s voice is so sweet it causes my heart to flip in my chest. I’m holding her in my arms in the cool water, the evening sun shining on us from the clear blue sky. The truth is I don’t want to let her go. I’d like to hold her all day, enjoying the feel of her skin against mine. But I know she’s ready to do this on her own, so I won’t hold her back.

  “You can do this. I know you can.” I tighten my grip on her. “And if you feel scared, I’ll be right here. I can scoop you up in a second.”

  She nods, her eyes conveying so much it hurts. I never want to let her down. I never want to lose her trust. I never want her to find out who I really am. Stomach churning, I swallow hard. “Okay. Ready?”

  “Do I have a choice?” She lets out a humorless laugh.

  “Always.”

  “I knew you were going to say that.” Her fingers are soft as she runs them across my jawline. “Yes, I’m ready.” Then like an angel, she lies back in the water, her arms outstretched. Strands of hair glide across the surface like tendrils reaching out of her head. I keep my arms tucked firmly underneath her body until she gets comfortable. Her eyes are closed, and I resist the urge to capture her lips in mine. I could literally kiss her all day. There is something seriously addicting about her perfect little lips.

  “I’m going to gently release my hands. Just stay still,” I instruct her. As I relinquish my hold, she obediently lies there without moving. Standing up, I smile. “See. I knew you could do it,” I whisper in an effort not to startle her.

  She doesn’t respond as she lies on the top of the water, her face tilted toward the sun. Her body bobs slightly in the soft waves. I let her stay that way for a minute and then I bend down so I’m even with her. “Okay, I’m going to relieve you now.”

  As I grab her she sags against me in relief. Her arms wrap around my neck. “I can’t believe I really did that,” she breathes.

  “I can. I always knew you could.”

  “So does this mean we’re done?”

  I laugh. “Floating isn’t swimming.”

  “I know.” She sticks out her bottom lip. “Wishful thinking.”

  “I only taught you that first because I thought it would help you get more comfortable in the water.”

  “I kind of like being in the water, actually.” She fingers the hair at the nape of my neck the way she does so often. “At least I like it when you’re holding me.”

  I tease her bottom lip with my tongue. “You know what? I kind of like it too.”

  “Only kind of, huh?” Her face is so close that when she speaks her top lip touches my bottom one.

  “No. Not only kind of.” I kiss her on the lips and then she drops her head onto my shoulder, sighing. At the sound of it, a warm feeling spreads through my chest. It’s like after what I’ve done, Harper is my redemption. She makes me feel like I can be the person I so desperately want to be.

  Lifting my head, I see a man watching from the shore. A shiver runs down my spine despite the warm temperatures. His stance indicates he’s not here for fun, and there is something oddly familiar about him. Harper nestles into the crook of my neck, her breath hot against my skin. I want to savor this moment with her. Maybe even kiss those sexy lips again. But something about the man on shore rattles me. He’s too far away for me to see his face, but the intense way he’s staring in my direction is unmistakable. When my gaze lands on his arm, my stomach drops. I grip Harper tighter, feeling sick. He looks different than the last time I saw him, and the clothes he’s wearing are definitely a step up. But the tattoo on his arm is a dead giveaway.

  Why the hell would he be back here?

  “Tag?” Harper lifts her head and peers up at me.

  My heart slams against my ribcage. Oh, God. He’s seen Harper. What have I gotten her involved in? When I glance back up at the shore, he’s gone. It does little to relieve my fear though. I know him well enough to know he’ll be back. If he’s here, it’s for a reason.

  “Yeah?” I try to mask my terror, but I don’t know how successful I
am.

  “I’m getting cold. Can we go back in now?”

  “Of course.” I carry her to the sand. When I put her down, I feel empty. With Harper I had started to believe that I had a second chance at life. But I should’ve known that was too good to be true. Our pasts don’t stay buried forever, and now I’m worried that my life is about to unravel.

  Harper pulls her towel around her body and shivers. “So, what do you want to do now?”

  I force my thoughts away from my past and focus on the incredibly gorgeous girl in front of me. Reaching out my hand, I finger a strand of her wet hair. “I want to celebrate how great you did today.”

  “Hmm.” She smiles lazily. “What do you have in mind?”

  “You’ll see.” My thumb grazes her cheek and she leans into it, her eyelids fluttering. I pull back feeling like an ass. She trusts me so damn much, but she doesn’t even know me. Not really. She’s too good for me and she has no idea. When she looks at me she sees this big hero. A lifeguard who saves people every day. She thinks I’m a goddamn saint, and it’s my fault. It’s what I’ve wanted her to believe. If I really was a good guy I’d let her go. But I’m not. I’m selfish, and I don’t want to lose her. “Go home and change. I’ll pick you up in an hour.”

  “Wow, someone’s bossy today,” she teases.

  “I can show you bossy.” I growl, reaching for her towel.

  Giggling, she jumps away from me. If only things could always be like this, carefree and fun. Why the hell did he have to show up today? Why now?

  Harper reaches for her bag sitting in the sand. “Okay. I’ll see you in an hour.” Leaning over, she stamps a kiss on my cheek. I watch her run through the sand toward the parking lot. Once she’s out of sight, I grab my own towel and head the opposite direction. It’s time to take care of some business.

  It doesn’t take me long it find him. Not that I’m surprised. He’s clearly waiting for me.

  “Look at you. You’ve sure cleaned up your act.” He stands against a boulder, a cigarette hanging out of the corner of his mouth. After taking a long drag, he blows a stream of smoke into the air. It circles like fog.