Head Above Water Page 14

  Soft hands caress the skin of my upper arm. It feels so good I don’t want to move. I want to stay here forever, not having to tell her anything. And more importantly, not having to lose her. My eyes begin adjusting, and I make out her profile in the dark. I scoop her hand up, nestling it in mine. I’m grateful when she doesn’t pull away, but allows me to guide her forward.

  We make our way to the door leading into the kitchen. I pop it open and bright light greets us. The yellow walls are loud and cheery, so out of character for my mood. I help Harper up the step and onto the tile floors. It’s quiet, so Mom must be asleep. For once I’m grateful she’s in bed. I don’t feel like explaining why Harper is covered in mud and grass, looking like someone tried to beat her up.

  “C’mon, I’ll get you some towels so you can shower.” I head back to the hall closet and pull her out two clean towels that smell like fresh fabric softener. I thrust them into Harper’s arms. “I’ll find something for you to wear, and you can throw your clothes in the washer.”

  She nods, still looking wary. I wish I could kiss that scared look right off her face. But I don’t think kissing me is what she wants to do right now.

  In my room I find a pair of sweat pants that are a little too small for me and a t-shirt. I smile sheepishly as I hand them to her. “It’s not exactly fashionable but I think it’ll work.”

  “Thanks,” she mumbles before slipping inside the bathroom. My heart sinks when I hear the lock click. Gone are the days where she trusted me implicitly. Damn, I’ve messed up.

  While Harper showers, I sit on the couch tapping my leg impatiently. I turn on the TV, but my mind is a jumbled mess and I can’t focus on anything. I stare at it numbly feeling like I’m a death row inmate waiting for his last meal. Are these my last moments with Harper? Man, I hope not.

  By the time Harper comes into the room my mind is reeling so hard I feel lightheaded. But then she comes into view – her wet hair, bright face and blue eyes – and I sober up. This is the girl I care for, the girl who has stolen my heart, and I’ll do anything to protect her, even if it means ultimately losing her. I sit up straighter as she plops down onto the couch next to me. The smell of soap and shampoo waft in the air. My sweats hang from her small frame, and the t-shirt is really baggy, but she still looks gorgeous.

  “I never thought that outfit was so sexy. I might rethink wearing it now,” I joke.

  Her lips turn upward slightly. She pulls on the bottom of the shirt with her fingers nervously. A strand of hair slips out from behind her ear and falls in her eye. Without thinking, I reach out and brush it from her cheek. Harper looks up at me, our eyes intertwining. She’s waiting for me to come clean.

  Dropping my hand, I clear my throat. It’s now or never.

  23

  HARPER

  TAG RELEASES MY gaze and starts picking at the thigh of his jeans. I hate to admit this, but he looks so hot in those jeans and tight t-shirt. As angry as I am with him, I can’t help but appreciate the way his shirt molds to his muscles.

  “I never wanted you involved in this.”

  His words catapult me back to the dilemma we’re in. “What is ‘this’ exactly?” I’m not sure I even want to know anymore. The clock on the wall ticks, the air conditioner hums. Cool air circles me.

  “Axel is the brother of my ex-girlfriend.”

  “Ginny?”

  Tag’s head snaps up. “Who told you about her?”

  “Sarah,” I answer, folding my hands in my lap. My wet hair drips on my shoulders.

  “I thought so,” Tag responds darkly. “Axel didn’t mention her?”

  “No.” I replay my conversation with Sarah in my mind trying to figure out why Axel would be after me.

  “What did Sarah tell you about Ginny?” Tag furrows his brows. I note that he says Sarah’s name with a trace of disgust, and I wonder again what the story is between them.

  I unfold my hands, staring at them. My clothes smell like Tag. Even though it shouldn’t, it causes my heart to skip a beat. “Basically she said that I’m Ginny’s replacement.”

  “What? No way.” Tag reaches for my hand, knotting our fingers together. I want to pull back, but I don’t. I’m too scared to deny comfort right now. And the truth is that it feels good to have him touch me. “You’re no one’s replacement. You hear me? Not Ginny’s. Not anybody’s. You are the most amazing person I’ve ever known.”

  I’m confused by his words. If I’m so amazing, then why did he lie to me? Why did he go out tonight without me? My patience is wearing thin. I want answers. “If that’s true, then why would she say that?”

  “Why does Sarah say anything? Because she’s angry that things didn’t work out with us and she’s jealous of you.”

  “Jealous of me? Why?”

  “Because she wanted to be with me so badly, but I never wanted her. Not like I want you.”

  My pulse spikes. He wants me. God, how easily I get distracted. Shaking my head, I force myself to stay focused. “If I’m not Ginny’s replacement, then why does Axel hate me so much?”

  Tag groans. “He doesn’t hate you. He hates me. He’s coming after you because he knows how much you mean to me.”

  Again my heart betrays my true feelings by leaping at his words. Man, I’m so weak when it comes to Tag. The rational part of me knows that I should stay focused on the fact that a scary, bad guy is after me, but the other part of me is so happy to know that I mean a lot to him. “Why does he hate you?”

  “He blames me for his sister’s death.”

  I gasp. “Ginny’s dead?”

  Tag nods, guilt ravaging his features.

  The room spins, and my stomach churns. Is that all I’m destined to be in this life? The girl left behind? The girl who replaces the dead girls people really want. I unhook my fingers from Tags and tuck them up close to my body. “How did she die?”

  Tag’s face pales. His expression is apologetic. “She drowned in the ocean.”

  My throat closes up. I can’t breathe. Lowering my head between my legs, I take deep breaths.

  “Harper, are you okay?” Strong hands stroke my back, tangle in my wet hair.

  I nod, still attempting to catch my breath.

  “This is why I didn’t want to tell you,” he says.

  I wave away his words, and force myself to sit back up. “No, I’m fine.” Feeling dizzy, I brace myself against the couch cushions. “Why does Axel blame you?”

  “Because it wasn’t an accidental drowning.” Tag’s gaze flickers down to his feet.

  My insides lurch. “What do you mean?”

  “She killed herself.” Agitated, Tag runs a hand over his head. “Ginny had a lot of issues. I knew that when we got together, but I guess I thought I could help her. We met in a grief support group right after my dad died. Ginny had lost both of her parents in a shooting. They were drug addicts and got on the bad side of some dealer. Ginny and her brother ended up in foster care.”

  Now I see why Sarah made comments about Tag rescuing people.

  “The longer I was with Ginny, though, I realized that she wasn’t like me at all. Ginny and her brother were drug addicts, and they were mixed in with a dangerous crowd. I didn’t want any part of it. So I broke things off. The next day she was found dead. The cops ruled it a suicide, and Axel blamed me. Said that if I hadn’t left her, she’d still be here.”

  “But that doesn’t make any sense. How does he know she did it because of you?”

  “According to him she was really depressed after we split up. But the truth is that she was depressed long before that. She was an unhappy person.”

  “Are you sure she committed suicide?” I have to ask. “I mean, if you want to off yourself it seems like there would be easier ways.” Remembering how awful it felt being pinned under the water unable to breathe makes me wonder why anyone would do that voluntarily.

  “I’m not sure that she meant to drown, but she had drank and taken a bunch of drugs before going in the water. I th
ink she planned to die one way or another that night.” Pain is evident on his face. It’s clear that he never wanted any of this.

  Tentatively I hold up my hand, touch his face. I shouldn’t feel relieved, but I do. It’s awful what happened with Ginny, but I’m glad that his secret was this and not that he’s been seeing someone else behind my back. “I’m sorry, Tag. About all of it.”

  He captures my hand, stilling it. “Why aren’t you running away?”

  “Is that why you didn’t tell me? Because you thought I wouldn’t want to be with you if I knew?”

  “Harper, I’ve led you on. I’ve made you believe I’m this good guy who helps people, but really I’m a monster.”

  “No, you’re not.” I curl my fingers around his. “What Ginny did wasn’t your fault. She made her choice.”

  “But I knew how sad she was. I could’ve helped her. I should have.”

  I freeze, Sarah’s words coming back with clarity. “Like you’re helping me?”

  His eyes meet mine.

  “Is that why you like me so much? Is it because you think you can find some sort of redemption?”

  “No.” His gaze never wavers. “I like you because you’re strong, but you don’t know it. I like you because you have this fire deep inside that you keep hidden, yet for some reason you’ve let me see it. And now that I have, I just want more. I like you simply because you’re you.”

  I hold my breath. When he’s finished, I sit still with my mouth clamped shut not trusting myself to speak. I’ve never had anyone say anything so beautiful to me ever. I lean forward, running my knuckles across his chin. Without saying a word, I frame his face with my hands, exploring his skin and mouth with my fingers. Then I scoot forward until our faces are mere inches apart. “Do you mean that?”

  “With everything in me. Baby, you are the only girl I want. The only girl I’ve ever wanted like this.”

  It’s all I need to hear. I touch my lips to his, and the minute I do it’s like I’ve come home. I can hardly believe I’ve missed this so much. It feels like it’s been forever, even though it was only a day. But a day was too long to not feel Tag’s touch, to not have his lips on mine. I never want to go without again.

  I fall against Tag and his arms come around me. “I’m sorry I lied to you,” He speaks into my hair, his hands stroking my back. “Axel showed up right after you left your lesson and threatened to go after you. I thought if I pushed you away I could keep you safe.”

  I nestle into the crook of his neck, running my cold nose over his warm skin. “But don’t ever do it again, okay?”

  “I won’t.” He kisses my forehead.

  I think about what he just shared with me; how open he was. It was never fair for me to expect him to be honest with me when I haven’t been entirely honest with him. “Tag?” I peer up at him through the fringe of my blond hair. “I’m the reason Heather drowned.”

  He brushes the hair back from my face. “No, you’re not, baby.”

  “Yes, I am.”

  “You just convinced me that I wasn’t at fault in Ginny’s death, but you’re carrying around the same guilt for your sister’s death.”

  “That’s different. Ginny was alone when she did it. Heather was with me. Remember how I told you we were fighting? Well, she was flapping her arms and calling me chicken, so I told her if she was so brave then she should go for it. Heather was never one to step down from a challenge. So of course she did it.” I feel sick sharing this. Closing my eyes, I breathe deeply and hope that Tag still cares about me even after knowing this.

  “Baby.” His voice is so kind. “You were six years old. It wasn’t your job to protect your sister. Fighting is what six-year-old siblings do, and when she went under, you risked your life to try to save her.”

  “But I didn’t. I didn’t save her.” I sit up, the truth strangling me. “And when I saw Dad above us, I reached for him. I didn’t point to Heather or try to help her first. No, I thrust my arms upward and reached for Dad. That’s why I was the one saved.” I bite my tongue, holding back the rest of the story. The part that I keep hidden deep inside. The fact that I know my dad couldn’t tell us apart in the water. He and Heather had always been close. They were so similar. My personality is much more like Mom’s. He probably thought I was Heather. I’m sure he was disappointed when he realized he saved the wrong sister that day.

  “Of course you reached for you dad,” Tag says. “You were drowning. You did nothing wrong.”

  I swallow hard, wanting to believe him.

  “I’m glad you were the one who was saved. I know that sounds like a selfish thing to say, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry that your sister died, but I’m glad that you’re here. If you weren’t, I never would’ve met you.” He runs the pads of his fingertips over my lips. “I never would’ve kissed these perfect lips.” His fingers trail up to my eyes. “Or seen these beautiful eyes.” They glide down my face and neck. “Or touched your perfect skin.” He runs his hands down the length of my arms and threads his fingers through mine. “Or held your hands.” Leaning forward, he sweeps his lips over mine. “Bad things happen, and there’s no rhyme or reason for it. But you need to stop thinking that the wrong girl died that day because that’s not true. You’re an amazing woman who has so much to offer to this world. And to me.” He winks. “And I’m going to make damn sure you know just how special you are, and how grateful I am that you’re the one who survived.”

  I exhale, allowing my chest to expand. It’s the first time anyone has told me they’re grateful I’m alive. Grateful that I was saved that day. The guilt and shame I’ve carried for years slides off my shoulders, and I feel lighter.

  “Thank you,” I whisper, my throat cracking.

  Tag smiles. “Any time, baby.”

  I lean into him, cuddling against his body. Tag makes me believe in a future I’ve never dared to dream about. He allows me to let go of the walls I’ve hid behind my entire life and finally be free. If only his past wasn’t trying to destroy everything.

  “What is Axel going to do to me?” I ask, needing to know.

  He frowns. “Nothing, because I’m going to keep you safe. There’s no way I’m letting Axel hurt you.”

  I shiver in his arms, hoping he’s right.

  24

  TAG

  I AWAKE WITH Harper in my arms. Her body is curled around mine, fitting against me like we were made for each other. After she fell asleep in my arms on the couch last night, I carried her to my bed. My plan was to leave her in here and then go out to the couch. However, once I set her down, Harper reached for me.

  After I’d lied to her.

  After everything I’d told her.

  She freaking reached for me.

  And there was no way I could say no. So I slipped in beside her, cradling her in my arms. We didn’t do anything more. I just held her until she drifted off. Then I watched her for hours, my heart hammering so loudly I could hear it in my ears. I stayed up all night staring at this gorgeous girl in my bed, praying to God that I could keep the promise I made to her.

  Axel’s going to have to kill me to get to Harper. And even then I’ll find a way to defeat him from the grave. No matter what I have to do I’ll make sure she comes through unscathed. When the vision of Axel tackling Harper in her front yard comes to my mind, a surge of anger pumps through my veins. There’s no way I’ll let him get his grubby hands on her again.

  She stirs, and I pull her closer. When her eyelids flutter open, she gives me a lazy smile. God, she’s breathtaking. Even with her hair tangled and her eyes glazed over she’s still the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.

  “What?” she asks, her voice raspy. “Why are you smiling?”

  “Because I’m here with you.”

  She smiles, biting down on her bottom lip.

  “Oh, no. I thought I warned you about that,” I growl.

  She giggles and releases her lip. “Sorry. I forgot.”

  “Next time you’re gonna get
it.”

  “Really?” she teases.

  I nip at her earlobe. “Yep. Next time there’s no stopping me.”

  Her face grows serious, and I regret my words.

  “Hey.” I smooth back her hair with my hands. “I was kidding. I’ll never push you, and I’ll never do anything unless you ask me too.”

  “I know,” she says simply, as if there was never a question.

  “Oh. You looked worried.”

  “Not worried. Hopeful.”

  My heart stutters. Did she really say that? Oh, hell. I better get out of this bed now. A cell phone buzzes, and I turn to see that it’s Harper’s.

  Concern fills me. “Did you call your parents?”

  “I texted them last night. They’re not expecting me home for a couple of days.”

  “Where did you say you were?”

  Sitting up, she shrugs. “Here.” She must see the stunned look on my face because she adds, “I’m an adult, Tag. I can go where I want. Besides, they’re happy I have a boyfriend.”

  “So I’m still your boyfriend?” I steal a kiss on her little button nose.

  “You always were. Couples fight all the time. It’s part of being in a relationship.”

  I smile, enjoying the sound of that. “Do you want me to grab your phone?”

  “Nah.” She shakes her head. “It’s probably Kate checking in. I’ll call her in a little while.

  A door clicks open down the hall, and my stomach plummets to my feet. “Well, I’m an adult too, but my mom isn’t going to be quite as understanding about you staying the night as your parents were.”

  “Uh oh.” A teasing gleam dances in Harper’s eyes.

  “But don’t worry. I’ll handle it delicately.”

  “You mean you’re not going to tell her that a maniac is on our tails?” I know she’s joking, but her words cause me to almost double over. If only it weren’t true. Realizing her mistake, she presses her lips together. “I’m sorry. I have no idea how to act in this situation. I’ve kind of never had my life in danger before.”

  “Oh, god.” I groan, drawing her to me. “I’m sorry that I brought you into this.”