Until the Sun Burns Out Read online

  A sad smile flickered over his face, fast, like the flash on a camera. “I wish that were true.” He backed away from me, his hand unhooking from mine. “It’s probably best that your dad found out. I always knew this would have to end.”

  Desperation clawing at my insides, I scrambled to my feet. “What are you talking about? This doesn’t have to end.” I trailed him, my feet slipping in the sand. But I fought to stay upright, to keep up with him. My hair whipped in the breeze slapping me in the face, but I didn’t care. I only cared that Austin was walking away from me. That he was acting like we were over. How had this happened? “My dad never said we couldn’t see each other. He’s known about this for weeks.”

  Austin stopped, turning to me. “I know. He’s been acting weird for awhile. I bet I could pinpoint when he found out.” Lifting his hand, his fingertips grazed my cheek. I shivered. “I really like you, Mina.”

  “I like you too.”

  “But you wouldn’t. Not if you really knew me. Not if you knew the guy I am back home.” Leaning forward, he stamped a kiss on my forehead. “Good-bye, my summer girl.”

  “Wait,” I called after him as he spun around and jogged off. When he didn’t turn, I started to chase him, but it was no use. I may have been a better runner than him, but not in the sand. That was an area I hadn’t mastered yet.

  Frustrated, I stopped trying to catch up to him. Instead, I stood in the middle of the beach, darkness enveloping me, watching the boy I loved running away from me.

  ***

  Tomorrow Austin was leaving, and he still wasn’t speaking to me. He hadn’t returned my texts or phone calls in the last two days. So I decided to go to his house.

  Desperate times, right?

  But I never made it there, because to my surprise, Austin showed up the minute I was heading out the door.

  “Oh.” I started, my hand flying to my chest when I stepped outside and almost walked right into him.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “That’s okay. I just wasn’t expecting you,” I said.

  “No.” He shook his head, and that amused smile of his sprung to his face. “I meant I’m sorry that I walked out on you the other night. And I’m sorry that I haven’t called you back.”

  I opened my mouth to say it was okay, but then clamped it shut again. It wasn’t okay. He had hurt me. My bottom lip quivered a little, and I bit down on it.

  “Oh, Mina.” He touched my arm. “Please don’t cry. I will literally do anything to make sure you don’t cry.” Opening up his arms, he said, “Here. Hit me in the chest. Really let me have it.”

  His offer stunned the tears right out of my eyes. “What?”

  “Pretend I’m the punching bag. It’ll make you feel better.”

  I sighed. “I’m not going to hit you.”

  “But it was pretty brave of me to offer, huh? I mean, I’ve seen you box.”

  “Yes, you’re super brave.” I giggled. “Now that we’ve established that, are you gonna tell me what’s going on with you?”

  The teasing expression vanished. He nodded. “Wanna walk with me?”

  “Sure.”

  When his hand reached out, I gratefully took it in mine. We made our way down the walkway leading to the beach, but then I shook my head. “Can we maybe walk on the street?”

  A tiny chuckle leapt from his mouth. “Getting tired of walking in the sand, huh?”

  “Very,” I confessed.

  His gaze lowered to my legs. “Thighs are looking pretty nice though.” My cheeks warmed, but then he added, “Definitely soccer-ready.”

  “Thanks,” I mumbled.

  Austin guided me away from the sand, and we headed toward the sidewalk. Our feet thudded on the concrete with each step.

  “Penny was right about me. I have been in a lot of trouble back home,” Austin said, staring off in the distance, his face stark.

  “Like what kind of trouble?” My stomach knotted.

  “You name it, I’ve probably been in it.”

  It dumbfounded me. I knew the guys back home who were always getting in trouble, and Austin didn’t fit that bill. Even the way he said the words was different. Like he wasn’t proud of it. Like he was ashamed. In my experience, the bad boys showed little to no remorse for their crimes.

  “Why?” I finally asked.

  Austin’s head swung in my direction. When his gaze caught mine, surprise was evident. I guess he wasn’t expecting that question. “I don’t want to make excuses for my behavior. Especially not with you.”

  My belly warmed. I squeezed his hand. “Everything we do is for a reason. When my parents first separated I tried to quit soccer, and for a time I stopped doing my homework. It was like I thought I could punish my parents or something. Turns out, I was only punishing myself.” I bit my lip. “My point is, that I was acting out for a reason. I want to know yours.”

  Pressing his lips together, he nodded. Averting his gaze from mine, he returned his attention to the path in front of us. We kept walking, our hands still linked. “I’ve never been what my parents wanted,” he started. I held my breath. “My entire life has been spent listening to them tell me how I’m not good enough. How I need to try harder, work harder, study harder, practice harder.” Shaking his head, he ran a hand through his hair. “And for awhile I tried. I would work harder when they asked. I would do more chores around the house or do extra credit at school. But it was never sufficient. They would still be disappointed. And that made it worse. I found that it was easier to swallow if I just didn’t care. If I just didn’t try. Then I wouldn’t get my hopes up. I’d expect them to be mad, so it wouldn’t hurt as much.” My heart plummeted. Closing my eyes, I blew out a breath. “My sister’s not like me. Life is easy for her. She gets good grades without trying. She excels at everything. And she doesn’t mind putting in the effort. So my parents have always been proud of her. She meets their expectations.” There was bitterness in his voice, but also something else. Admiration.

  “I’m sorry, Austin.”

  He snorted. “I’m the one who should be apologizing to you. You’re a good girl, and I tricked you into thinking we were the same.”

  I stopped walking and turned to him. “You didn’t trick me. You’re exactly who I thought you were.”

  “You mean that, summer girl?”

  “Yeah.” I nodded. “I meant what I said before, Austin. I don’t care about all that stuff back home.”

  “I like who I am with you,” Austin breathed, stepping closer to me. Releasing my hand, he brought his arms up around my waist and drew me closer.

  “I like who I am with you too.”

  Tilting his head, his lips gently brushed mine. Once. Twice. Three times. Then he pulled back and looked deeply into my eyes. “That’s why this is perfect.”

  “What is?”

  “This,” he said. “Our summers.”

  I knew what he was saying, and it killed me. It had always been the deal. I was his summer girl. That was all. But things seemed different now. We’d gotten closer, and I had started to hope for more. I wasn’t ready to give up on that hope.

  Mustering up all my courage, I asked, “What if I want more than that?”

  Sadness flickered in his eyes. He raised his hand to lightly touch my face. “I can’t give you more than that, summer girl.”

  There it was. My nickname. And now I knew the reason for it.

  However, I couldn’t let it go that easily. “But I love you,” I confessed.

  His eyes widened. He moved even closer to me, his hand curving further around my face. His thumb caressed my skin. “I love you too.”

  My heart fluttered in my chest. “You do?”

  He nodded. “But that doesn’t change anything.”

  “Of course it does.”

  “No.” He shook his head. “I love you too much to ask you to be in a long-distance relationship with me.”

  “Ask away. I don’t mind.”

  “I can’t.”

 
Anger surging, I stepped back from him. “You can’t? Or you won’t?” When confusion painted his face, I said, “This is about you, isn’t it? You’re using me. I’m your summer girl. Someone you know is waiting to spend three months out of the year with you, while you fool around with as many girls as you want the rest of the year.”

  Darkness blanketed his features. “Is that what you think?” He swallowed hard. “Mina, I’ve never been as close to any girl as I am to you. That’s why I don’t want to ask you to put your life on hold for me.”

  “And I’m telling you I don’t mind doing that, so what’s the real issue here?” I wanted to stay angry, but I couldn’t. I knew Austin. He wasn’t using me. Deep down, I was sure of that. But there was more to this, and I needed to hear what it was.

  “The real issue is that in two years you’re going to go away to college, and I’m probably not. I don’t get good grades, I’m not a soccer star. I’m a screw up. I can give you my summers, Mina, but that’s all. At least for now.”

  “And what if that’s not enough for me?” I asked quietly.

  He frowned. “Then I’ll have to be okay with that.”

  “Will you be?”

  “No,” he whispered, his lips hovering mine. “I meant it when I said I love you. I don’t want to lose you.” I was more than ready when his lips touched mine. In fact, I was eager. I kissed him with everything I had. I hoped that in my kiss I could convince him how much he meant to me. That I could show him I wanted to be with him always. Not just in the summer. But as his lips moved over mine, I thought about what he’d said. About his future plans. And I realized he was right. I couldn’t commit to him. Who knew what the next year would bring. I was entering my junior year of high school. If he didn’t have college plans or solid goals for his future, where did that leave us? In his touch, in his caress, I felt how much he cared about me. His love for me wasn’t in question. Austin loved me. There was no doubt in my mind.

  But I wasn’t sure he could be my forever boy.

  So maybe a summer boy was enough.

  THE THIRD SUMMER

  TWENTY-TWO

  He looked like a man now.

  Gone was every single trace of boy. His muscles were rock hard, his face chiseled, his jaw lined with stubble. But even though he had changed, I wasn’t as surprised as I was when I first saw him last summer. In fact, I wasn’t surprised at all. I had known exactly what he looked like. Rarely had a day gone by in our months apart when we didn’t text or speak. And we’d Facetimed at least once a week. Therefore, his appearance wasn’t shocking.

  However, seeing it in a tiny cell phone screen hadn’t done it justice.

  He was gorgeous.

  After stepping from Dad’s car, I took off running and landed right in his arms. When his chest pressed to mine, his fingers splaying against my back, I let out a contented sigh. Only Austin’s touch could make me feel this way, and it was something I’d been craving for months.

  “You were waiting for me,” I spoke into his chest, inhaling his familiar scent.

  “I raced over here the minute I got your text.”

  “I texted when we stepped off the plane. You must’ve been here awhile.”

  He shrugged, his fingers climbing up my back to reach my hair. “It was worth it.”

  Dad and Luca spoke to each other from over my shoulder. I heard the click of the trunk, the thunk of luggage against the driveway.

  Austin’s gaze slid past me. “Hi, Mr. Kincaid,” he said.

  “Welcome back, Austin,” Dad said cheerily. We’d spoken about Austin several times this year. I told him about the conversation Austin and I had at the end of last summer. I still wasn’t sure if he was completely sold on me dating Austin, but he wasn’t fighting me on it anymore.

  “Hey, man.” Austin released me, and moved toward Luca. They exchanged an enthusiastic fist bump. Luca had aged a lot this year too, but it wasn’t something I often noticed since I was with him daily. However, seeing him face to face with Austin really drove it home.

  “Mina,” Dad called out from the trunk as he began unloading my luggage.

  “I’ll get it.” Austin stopped me before I could head over to Dad.

  “Think you brought enough?” Austin laughed as he tried to drag both suitcases behind him.

  Dad chuckled under his breath as he followed Luca up to the house.

  “I’ll get one,” I offered, reaching behind Austin’s back.

  “Don’t even think about it.” He shook his head, holding steady to the handles. As Dad and Luca headed into the house, Austin’s gaze lowered down to my lips. I swallowed hard, my pulse quickening. I’d been imagining Austin’s lips on mine for months now. It had been killing me to wait this long. Letting go of the suitcases, he stepped forward, and promptly pressed his lips to mine. Reaching up, I fisted his shirt in between my fingers, clutching tightly for fear I might fall over. The kiss was intense. More intense than any kiss I’d ever had. His lips were so firm they stole my breath. His hands were needy as they slid up my back, tangled in my hair. When our lips reluctantly parted, we both exhaled loudly.

  He didn’t make a quip about my skills improving the way he had last year, but I didn’t think he would. Nothing had been funny about that kiss. A fire burned deep in my belly as he took a calculated step back, his chest rising and falling with each labored breath. Yanking his arms back, he cleared his throat and grabbed my suitcases.

  “We should…um…get inside,” he stammered. It was rare to see Austin flustered, and I felt a strange sense of satisfaction. It was nice to know the kiss had affected him as much as it had me.

  “Yeah,” I spoke softly.

  He had only taken two steps forward when he stopped abruptly, his eyes lowering to my neck. “Hey, you’re wearing the necklace I gave you for Christmas.” His eyes sparkled with satisfaction.

  “I never take it off.”

  “Really?” His brows lifted.

  “Really.” I held his gaze, hoping he understood the meaning.

  The large smile he flashed betrayed that he did. At least, I hoped he did.

  I opened my mouth wanting to say more. To tell him more. But then Luca’s voice rang out. “Hey, you guys get lost out there?”

  Shaking his head, Austin chuckled. “Nah, your sister was just having trouble walking in those heels of hers.”

  I threw him a glare as Luca erupted in laughter.

  As we walked forward, Austin leaned over and whispered in my ear, “Just kidding. Those shoes are sexy…actually, everything about you is.”

  My cheeks flushed, and I prayed that Dad and Luca wouldn’t notice when I stepped inside. They didn’t. The two of them were too busy making a snack. I should’ve figured. Luca had been complaining about being starving the entire plane ride. Then again, he was always starving. Mom said he was going through a growth spurt. Judging by how tall he’d gotten, I was inclined to believe her.

  “You guys wanna snack?” Luca asked.

  Austin threw me a wink that caused a flutter in my belly before responding, “Nah, I’m good, bud.”

  “Me too.” There was no way I could eat now. My insides were a ball of nerves. Austin didn’t usually make me nervous. Well, not since that first summer. But something felt different between us now; more charged, more passionate. Maybe it was our ages. Or maybe it was simply that I knew how much he meant to me now. I thought I had last year, but what I’d felt then was only the tip of the iceberg.

  Things had changed for me.

  And I could tell they had for him too.

  “Um…Austin and I are going to go to my room,” I said, my voice wavering a little. “To unpack,” I clarified in response to my dad’s stricken face. Boys had never been allowed in my room previously. I had no idea why I thought it would be all right now.

  Dad studied me a minute, his eyes narrowed. “Okay.” Then his gaze bounced to Austin. “But the door stays open.”

  I nodded, unable to respond with words. Legs trembling, I wa
lked forward, Austin trailing me. The wheels from my suitcases buzzed along the hardwood floors. After we entered my room, Austin rolled the suitcases to my dresser. Then he crossed his arms over his chest, his gaze sweeping the room.

  “So this is where you sleep, huh?” There was that wink again, and it caused my cheeks to heat up.

  “Yep.” I smiled, attempting to appear nonchalant.

  He stayed where he was, but I felt his eyes from across the room like hands touching me. “I’ve missed you,” he said.

  “Me too.”

  His smile deepened. “I didn’t think it was possible for you to get any prettier, but you have.”

  “You saw me yesterday,” I joked, remembering our Facetime session.

  “The screen’s all blurry,” he explained. “You’re much prettier in person.”

  Biting my lip, my heart leapt in my chest. It seemed surreal that we were in the same room. Even more surreal that we were in my bedroom. For countless nights I laid in bed and fantasized about this very moment.

  “Why are you standing way over there?” I asked, a slight laugh under my words. He was acting so strange, all skittish and unsure. So unlike him.

  His gaze shifted to the doorway. “I think it’s best if I stay where I am.”

  Understanding dawned on me, and I nodded. “We can go back out there with them. I guess I just wanted a moment alone with you.”

  A steady stream of air pushed past his lips. “I want a lot more than a moment alone with you, summer girl.”

  “And we’ll have them.”

  “Yes, we definitely will,” he promised.

  TWENTY-THREE

  I wasn’t expecting the necklace. Actually, I wasn’t expecting a gift at all. Even when Austin asked me for my address, I assumed he would send a Christmas card. I knew his family had posed for one. He had complained to me about it a few weeks prior. About how the four of them had dressed in matching clothing. And how they spent an afternoon smiling and pretending to be the perfect, happy family. He told me it had made him sick.

  But a few days before Christmas, a package arrived addressed to me. Inside was a card and a tiny wrapped box. The note instructed me not to open the present until Christmas morning. I obeyed, and that was why I’d ended up opening the gift in front of Luca and Mom. It was clear right away that the necklace with the heart charm was real gold. I knew Austin had a part-time job, and I was certain his parents hadn’t shelled out the money for it.