Head Above Water Read online

  "Hey, Ryker." Beckett nods his head in Ryker's direction as the door slams shut behind him. "The other guys are inside getting a drink. They'll be out in a minute."

  I shift uncomfortably from one foot to the other. Beckett hasn't even acknowledged my presence, and last I checked I wasn't invisible. It bothers me, and for a minute I wonder if this was a mistake.

  "Hey, Beckett." Ryker pats my arm. "This is the girl I was telling you about. The one from last night's open mic night."

  Beckett glances over at me with a bored expression that makes my stomach knot. "Yeah, I missed your song, but Ryker hasn't been able to stop talking about it." He steps close to me, and my breath hitches in my throat. "I'm Beckett."

  "Star."

  Beckett lets out a harsh laugh that startles me. "A little pretentious, don't you think?"

  "Excuse me?"

  "I just think artists should stick to their real names, that's all."

  His words are like a punch to the gut. I glance over at Ryker who gives me a resigned shrug. I wonder if Beckett's always this much of a jerk. "Star is my real name." When I notice the skeptical look on Beckett's face, I add, "My dad's an astronomer. My parents met at a planetarium, and he proposed under the stars. My brother's name is Galileo. It's sort of a theme in our family."I place my hand on my hip in a challenge. "If I had known I'd be interrogated I would have brought my birth certificate."

  Beckett sighs. "I've clearly hit a nerve. It just seemed cliche, that's all."

  What? No apology? I'm stunned by his lack of remorse.

  Two more guys shove through the door and bound into the garage, talking and laughing loudly. Their voices echo and bounce around me. When their gazes land on me, I have the sudden urge to run away. This whole thing was a bad idea.

  "So, you gonna show us what you've got, Star?" Beckett raises an eyebrow at me.

  I smile, wanting nothing more than to wipe that smug look off of his face. Maybe once he hears me play he will take me more seriously. "I'd love to." I lift my chin and head over to the keyboard. The rest of the band is completely quiet as they watch me. I ignore the insistent banging of my heart in my chest as I sit at the keyboard. After running my moist palms down the thigh of my jeans, I reach up and place my hands on the slick keys. When I peer up, I catch sight of Ryker and he gives me an encouraging nod. I'm not sure what his story is, but I'm grateful to have at least one person on my side. The other two guys look on warily, and Beckett crosses his arms over his chest, the same bored expression cloaking his face.

  I inhale sharply and press down on the keys. Closing my eyes, I open my mouth and allow the song to carry me along. After I sing one verse and chorus, I force my eyelids to open and I slide my fingers back down into my lap. I bite my lip and wait for some response. The silence is deafening.

  Ryker grins broadly. "See, didn't I tell you she was amazing, Beckett?"

  "Yeah, she's not bad." Beckett shrugs.

  The air leaves me and I feel deflated. Not bad? I seriously do not need to stay here and be insulted by this egomaniac any longer. I'm just about to push away from the keyboard and stalk out of the garage when Beckett swaggers over to me and shoves a piece of paper in my hand.

  "Now let's see how well you harmonize." He glances around the room. "You guys stay out for this. This is just going to be me and Star."

  I feel dizzy as I snatch the paper from his hand. The thought of singing with him is enough to keep my butt planted on the seat. Remembering the raspy, rich tone from the night before makes me feel giddy. He slings the guitar over his shoulder, and it catches on his shirt lifting it slightly to reveal his naval and the top of his boxers that creep above his sagging jeans. I avert my gaze and feel my face warm.

  He looks up at me, his dark eyes piercing mine. "We'll just run the chorus. You can play if you want to, but if you just want to sing that's fine too."

  I nod, glancing down at the paper and taking in the chords and lyrics. Reaching up, I touch the keys. Beckett strums his guitar and I watch him press his lips up to the microphone. It makes me want to take back my desire to be the water bottle. Clearly the mic would be a better choice. When he opens his mouth to sing, I shake away the inappropriate thoughts and focus on the music.

  The harmony is simple enough, and as I listen to our voices blend together beautifully a warm feeling swirls in my stomach. I can tell that the other guys hear it too, because they nudge each other and exchange smiles and eyebrow raises.

  You’re just one more thing I can’t have

  Standing just outside my grasp

  But it doesn’t really matter

  Because good things never last

  When we finish, I peer up at Beckett feeling pleased about the performance.

  "I'm sorry." Beckett frowns at me, and my stomach sinks. "I'm just not sure if this is gonna work out. But thanks for stopping by."

  I struggle to stand up, my legs rubbery. As I push away from the keyboard with shaky fingers, my knees soften and I fear I'll fall over. I feel like an idiot; like I've made a complete fool of myself. Without saying a word, I pick up my purse, stalk out of the garage and race to my car.

  "Wait! Star!" Ryker calls out, his footsteps pounding behind me.

  I whip around. Ryker jogs in my direction. From over his shoulder I can see the other band members watching from the open garage. Well, everyone except for Beckett. He's kneeling on the ground, fidgeting with a string on his guitar.

  "Why did you even invite me here?" I ask angrily. "Clearly Beckett isn't interested in having a backup singer."

  "Look, I'm reallly sorry about how Beckett acted in there." Ryker runs a hand over his perfectly styled hair.

  I soften a little at his words. He's not the person I'm mad at anyway. "It's not your fault. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to try out." I unlock the door to my car and reach for the handle.

  "Just give it time. I know Beckett will come around."

  I shake my head. "No, I don't think that's going to happen."

  "We've been talking about how badly we need another singer for awhile, and everyone thought you did a great job."

  I snort. "Well, everyone except for Beckett, and he is the lead singer and the band is named after him. So, I think it's a safe bet that you're new backup singer won't be me." I tug open the door and slide inside. "See ya later, Ryker." Before he can stop me, I slam the door shut and turn on the engine.

  Ryker gives me a sad wave, and turns away. As I pull away from the curb I see him walking back to the garage with sagging shoulders. Feeling eyes on me, I gaze into the garage and see Beckett staring directly into my eyes. I shiver from the intensity of his gaze. The look he gives me causes my heart to arrest. He looks like he's sad to see me go, but I know that's not possible. He's the one who practically threw me out. Facing forward, I force myself to just forget about the whole thing. Sure Beckett is hot, but he's a total jerk. Nothing is ever going to happen between us. In fact, I hope I never even see him again. Angry, I press harder on the gas and tear down the street. I'm grateful that I don't have to drive far before the campus comes into view.

  I turn the corner and head toward the parking lot, anger still simmering through my veins. After parking in my usual spot, I turn off the car and bolt out into the cold night. I fling my purse over my shoulder and hug myself as I run toward the dorms, my heels clicking on the pavement.

  When I step inside my dorm room I find Lola sitting cross legged on her bed, an open notebook in her lap. She's bent over it scrawling in it with a black pen. Her head jerks up when I slam the door closed. She pushes her hair out of her face, and smiles. "So, are you officially a member of Beckett?"

  I shake my head, too mad to speak. Flinging my purse on my bed, I slump down onto it as well. The mattress slumps beneath my weight.

  "What happened?" Lola slides the notebook off her lap and sits forward, allowing her legs to dangle off the side of the bed. She's wearing sweat pants and a t-shirt but she still looks stylish somehow.


  I groan in frustration, running a hand over my face. "Beckett happened."

  "Uh-oh." Lola purses her shiny red lips. "Was sexy rocker boy scared you're gonna steal his spotlight?"

  "What?" I crease my forehead in confusion.

  "Oh, come on. I saw the guy. He thinks he's God's gift to music. I'm sure once he heard how super talented you are he got scared. He doesn't need his backup singer to upstage him."

  As sweet as Lola's words are, they don't ring true. "No, trust me, he didn't seem very impressed with me."

  "I'm still going with my theory."

  "That's why I love you so much." I smile. "You should have seen how rude he was. How can someone that hot outside be so ugly on the inside?"

  "Seriously?" Lola's dark eyes bug out. "When it comes to guys, it's the hot ones I'm wary of. They're usually the biggest jerks."

  "Yeah, I guess." I sigh, scooting back on my bed and pulling my bent legs up closer to my body. "I was just hoping Beckett would be different. Besides, it was kind of fun tonight when we sang together. It would have been nice to make it a regular thing."

  "What about Ryker?" Lola asks.

  "What about him?"

  She shrugs. "Well, I mean, he's cute, and he seemed really nice."

  Noticing the slight flush of her cheeks, I cock an eyebrow. "Lola, are you crushing on Ryker?"

  "That depends." She leans forward, resting her elbows on her knees.

  "On what?"

  "On how you feel about him?"

  I swat away her words. "No, go for him. I'm not attracted to Ryker. I mean, he seems like a nice guy, but he's not really my type."

  "Not like Beckett, huh?"

  My chest tightens when she says his name. I remember how sexy he looked when he sang, and it turns my stomach. "I'm not into Beckett either." When I catch Lola raising her eyebrows at me I add, "At least, not anymore."

  "If you say so." Lola flashes me a wicked grin.

  "I’m not." I stand up, feeling defensive. "He was arrogant and rude tonight. If I ever see him again it'll be too soon."

  "Okay, I believe you." Lola throws up her palms. "But you can't let him stop you from pursuing your music. There's got to be another band you can join."

  I roll my eyes, heading toward my dresser. "That's my Lola. Always meddling." I yank open the top drawer and snatch out my fuzzy pajama top and pants.

  "I'm serious."

  "I didn't even really want to join a band." I whirl around, clutching the clothes to my chest.

  "But you just said that it was fun."

  I lean my back against the dresser. "It was." My mind flies back to those few blissful moments when Beckett and I were singing together. It was a rush, and the truth is, I'd give anything to experience it again.

  "Then what's the issue? You're a musician, aren't you?"

  I nod, biting my lip. "Yeah. I guess if it's meant to be it'll happen at some point." My stomach sinks when I'm reminded that it won't be with Beckett. I'm not sure I want to be in any other band. Even though I can't stand Beckett, he is super talented, and it would have been amazing to be part of his band. I try not to let disappointment overwhelm me at the thought. In fact, I try not to think about tonight at all. The whole thing is too depressing and humiliating to relive, even in my mind.

  2

  Beckett

  The girl looks nothing like I expected. When Ryker described her to me I pictured some edgy rocker chick, not some fresh faced girl next door. She wears jeans and sandals, her brown hair sleek down her back. Her skin is soft and smooth with almost no makeup covering it. She smiles up at me with glossy lips, her caramel colored eyes piercing mine. There is so much trust and openness in them that I glance away, unnerved.

  When she tells me her name is Star, I can’t help myself. I have to give her shit about it. From Ryker’s expression I can tell that he doesn’t appreciate it, but I don’t care. Obviously he’s into her, but that’s not my problem. Besides, I’m used to Ryker being irritated with me. What I’m not prepared for is Star’s reaction. When she lights into me about her name, I wonder if I’ve misjudged her. Clearly she’s got some fire underneath that sweet exterior.

  I decide that the least I can do is give her a shot. Even though I’m pissed at Ryker for springing her on me like this, I shouldn’t take it out on her. So, I let her sing for us. I lean back against the wall with my arms across my chest as she sits at the keyboard. Her dark hair falls over her shoulders and her lips purse as her fingertips skim over the keys. When she opens her mouth to sing, I’m surprised with the richness of her tone. As she continues on with the sickeningly sweet song, I figure out why she makes me so uncomfortable. The realization smacks me hard in the gut, and I worry I might throw up. The familiarity of this girl is almost too much. I can’t believe I didn’t see it before. A thousand unwanted memories assault me and I struggle under the weight of them. As she finishes the song I will the thoughts away, and force myself to calm down.

  The minute Star ends the song Ryker peers over at me with that “I told you so” look I hate so much. "See, didn't I tell you she was amazing, Beckett?"

  "Yeah, she's not bad," I shoot back. But when I glance back at Star, I see her face fall and then I feel guilty. The comment was more for Ryker’s benefit. Even though I want nothing more than to get rid of this girl who bears a haunting resemblance to my past, I don’t want to be rude. So with a sigh, I grab a piece of sheet music and walk toward Star. "Now let's see how well you harmonize."

  She takes the paper from my fingers, her gaze lingering on my face for a minute. I can see what Ryker sees in her. Her beauty is so natural and pure, very unlike the girls we meet at our shows, which is just another reason I can’t let her join the band. This life will eat her alive.

  I glance around the room. "You guys stay out for this. This is just going to be me and Star." As I walk back to my guitar, I try not to notice the slight flush of Star’s cheeks or the way her eyes light up at my words.

  I strum my guitar and start to sing. When I get to the chorus, I can hear Star’s voice mingle with mine.

  You’re just one more thing I can’t have

  Standing just outside my grasp

  But it doesn’t really matter

  Because good things never last

  Our voices blend perfectly, weaving in and out of each other like we were meant to sing together. I shift uncomfortably, pulling the strap of my guitar away from my neck. I feel like I’m being strangled. I just can’t do this. There’s no way this girl can join our band.

  "I'm sorry," I say to her. "I'm just not sure if this is gonna work out. But thanks for stopping by." Then I turn away so I don’t have to see the disappointed look in her eyes. After she races out of the garage, Ryker turns to me with a glare.

  “What?” I dare Ryker to tell me what he’s thinking.

  But he doesn’t respond. Instead, he just shakes his head and takes off after the girl. Man, he really must want to get in that chick’s pants. The other guys share a disgusted look, causing me to grunt and turn away. It’s not like I meant to hurt the girl’s feelings. The whole thing was Ryker’s fault. He had to know how this would end when he brought her here. I glance up to see Star jump into her vehicle and turn on the engine. As she pulls away from the curb, her gaze locks with mine. Her face brings back another unwelcome recollection, and a wave of emotion crashes over me. As she drives away, I know I did the right thing. I may not have been able to save the girl who meant everything to me once upon a time, but at least I can save this one. Maybe this is some sort of redemption.

  As Ryker stalks back into the garage, I think about what a silly thought that is. Redemption isn’t real. We don’t get to right our wrongs that way. If only things were that simple.

  “What’s with you, man?” Ryker towers over me, his eyes dark. “She was amazing, and you totally shot her down. Is your ego really that fragile?”

  Anger sparks. “This has nothing to do with my ego and you know it.” I take a step forward pr
actically bumping Ryker with my chest.

  “Okay, calm down you guys,” Our electric guitar player Pierce says, moving away from his instrument. Both he and our drummer Jimmy head in our direction.

  I back off, nodding to them. “Everything’s fine.” You’d think Jimmy and Pierce would be used to Ryker and me getting into arguments. Ryker is like a brother to me. We’ve been friends since we were kids, and we fight just like siblings.

  “Is it because she’s not the kind of girl you’re into?”

  “You know that’s not why, Ryker.” I cock my head to the side, irritated that he’s making me say it. “You don’t think Star resembles someone else? Someone close to me?”

  Ryker furrows his brows in a look of confusion. “What are you talking about?”

  I open my mouth ready to the say the name when Ryker’s eyes spring open in understanding.

  “She doesn’t look exactly like her,” he says, using an apologetic tone. “There’s just a slight resemblance.”

  “Slight resemblance?”

  “Yeah, they both have brown hair and eyes, but that’s about it.”

  “That’s not it, Ryker. She’s just like Quinn.” I can hear the slight intake of breath on Ryker’s part, and I know he’s surprised when I say her name. I don’t mention her that often. Only when it’s necessary. “And that’s why she’s not joining our band.”

  “That’s what this is about? C’mon, man, she’s not Quinn. She’s not going to make the same mistakes as her.”

  “You don’t know that.” I run my hand through my hair and release a rush of air through gritted teeth. “She was innocent just like her. You might be okay with tainting her, but I’m not.”