I'm Not in the Band Read online

Me: Hello??

  …

  Me: You may be right.

  Mac: You’ll have to be more specific. I’m always right.

  Me: About coming on too strong.

  Mac: What did you do?

  Me: I may have offered to show her my bare chest.

  Mac: What? Why would you do that? No one wants to see that.

  Me: She might like it.

  Mac: Is she blind?

  Me: Screw you.

  Mac: Sounds like you already screwed up enough.

  Me: You think it’s that bad?

  Mac: Yep.

  Chapter Six

  Kassidy

  #3—Sleep in

  I like schedules. I like order.

  Every morning I follow the same routine. I get up at six and go for my morning run. Then I come back home and make a smoothie for breakfast. I even put the same ingredients in every time—vanilla yogurt, orange juice, banana, and strawberries.

  It makes me sound like I’m fifty, but it works for me.

  However, this morning I somehow missed my alarm and overslept. Now it’s nine thirty, and I’m just crawling out of bed looking like a Monday meme.

  What’s wrong with me?

  The concert, the screaming, the junk food. Ugh. No wonder my stomach hurts. Fuzzy hair brushes my ankle the minute my bare feet hit the floor. Nancy Drew weaves between my legs, nuzzling me with her nose while purring. Scooping her into my lap, I pet her silky fur.

  When we first got her, Sophie tried to name her Princess-something, but I changed it. Not that Sophie cared. She’s never been a cat person. The fur ball has always been my faithful sidekick.

  The scent of coffee and eggs reach my nose, and I head to the kitchen. Mom stands over the stove. I squint against the light that filters into the window through the open blinds.

  “There she is,” Mom says, flipping the eggs with a spatula. “Morning, sleepyhead.”

  I groan, running my fingers through my tangled hair.

  Mom laughs. “I thought you were a morning person.”

  “I am. This isn’t morning.”

  “Yes, it is.” Mom reaches up to grab a plate out of the cupboard. “It’s just not the crack of dawn.” She sets the plate down on the counter and scoops eggs onto it. “Want some breakfast?” Spinning around, she holds up the plate.

  Cringing, I shake my head. If I eat that, I’m pretty sure I’ll hurl. “No, thanks. I’ll just stick with my smoothie.” Moving forward, I near the fridge. When I reach it, I close my fingers around the handle, and freeze. “Or maybe I should try to get my run in. It’s probably still cool outside.”

  “You can skip one morning, Kass. Come sit down and relax.” Mom plops down into one of the chairs at the kitchen table. Then she takes a bite of her eggs.

  “I’ve already been relaxing,” I say, yanking the fridge door open. Reaching inside, I search for the yogurt and juice.

  “You must have needed the rest,” Mom points out.

  With my arms full, I bump the fridge closed with my hip and make my way to the counter. “Yeah, we were out late.” I dump the contents.

  “I heard the concert was da bomb.”

  I wince at Mom’s use of the phrase “da bomb.” “Where’d you hear that? On the news?” I tease her.

  “No one watches the news anymore.” Mom laughs lightly. “It’s trending on social media.”

  Suppressing a giggle, I peel my banana.

  “Sophie said you two had a great time.”

  “We did.” I start throwing stuff into the blender.

  “She also told me you met a boy.”

  I freeze, my hand suspended over the on button. Why did Sophie tell her? So much for keeping each other’s secrets. I press my finger down, and whirring fills the room. I let it go longer than I should. That way it’s impossible for Mom to say anything else about Archer. It’s not that I care if Mom knows. I always share my crushes with her. But I wanted to wait until I was sure it was something worth talking about. Archer’s hot. Like, really hot. He probably isn’t even interested in me in that way. I turn off the blender, and silence blankets us. Leaning back against the counter, I take a sip. Mom eyes me from the table, still waiting for a response.

  “It’s not a big deal. I don’t even know why Sophie told you,” I finally answer.

  Mom sighs. “She didn’t mean to break your confidence. I think she was just happy that things went well.” Pausing, she bites her lip. “We’ve all been so worried about you.”

  My heart squeezes. “You don’t need to be,” I say.

  “I’m a mom. Worry is in my job description.”

  “I’m fine,” I say a little too sharply.

  “You don’t sound fine.”

  “Sorry. I’m a hot mess today.” Smoothie in hand, I sit across from her.

  “It’s all right. I know how you get when you can’t keep your schedule.”

  She throws me a pointed look, and my stomach knots. There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m fine. I’m coping, even if that therapist my parents forced me to see didn’t think so.

  Leaning forward, she raises her brows. “Tell me about this boy.”

  I’m grateful for the change of subject. “Well, he’s Ross Devlin’s twin.”

  “That’s cray-cray.”

  I roll my eyes. Not just because she said “cray-cray,” but because her surprised look is clearly fake. “Sophie told you?”

  “Yeah,” she says, wincing.

  I smile. “I figured. Sophie was pretty stoked.”

  Mom laughs. “She was fangirling all morning.”

  “I bet.” I’m no longer annoyed that Sophie blabbed. It’s nice to talk to Mom about something happy for a change.

  “Other than having a famous brother, what’s he like?”

  I shrug. “He’s cool.” My lips tugging at the corners, I add, “And really hot.”

  “What’s the problem, then?”

  “Huh?” Apparently, Sophie gets her psychic abilities from Mom.

  “How come your sister is more excited than you are?”

  I bite my lip. “I don’t know.”

  Mom reaches across the table and pats my hand. “It’s okay to be happy, Kass.”

  Sophie clearly didn’t tell her everything.

  “I saw some of my old friends,” I say swiftly before losing my nerve.

  Mom’s shoulders droop. Her eyes crinkle around the corners. “Did they say anything?”

  I shake my head. “They didn’t see me. But it still messed with my head, you know?”

  “I’m sorry, sweetie.”

  “It’s okay.” I should’ve kept it to myself. I’m always bringing down the mood.

  “Would it have been so bad if they had seen you?”

  Is she for real?

  “It’s been a little while. Maybe it’s time to try to talk to them again,” she explains. “Perhaps it would help.”

  I shake my head firmly. “No. I can’t. Not yet.”

  “Okay.” She nods, but I can tell she’s disappointed.

  Finishing off my smoothie, I stand. “I’m gonna go get dressed.”

  “I’m glad you and Sophie had fun last night,” Mom says with a smile as I leave the kitchen.

  When I get to my bedroom, I snatch my phone off the nightstand. The last text I got was from Archer. My insides get all warm and fuzzy seeing his name on the screen. Scrolling down the conversations I find my last thread with Kate. Fingers hovering over her name, I contemplate typing something. Anything. But I have no idea what I’d even say at this point. My lungs tighten; my eyes get hot. Blinking rapidly, I drop the phone on the bed. It lands upside down on my disheveled covers.

  When I hear my sister’s voice from down the hallway, my head snaps up. Hurrying to the door, I fling it open and spot Sophie walking past.

  “I figured you’d left,” I say. She works in a clothing store in the mall.

  “I took today off,” she says. “Watcha doing?”

  “Just got done talking
to Mom.” I cock my head to the side.

  “Oh.” The smile on her face slips. “Sorry I told her about Archer. I couldn’t help it. It just kinda slipped out.”

  “It’s fine.” I wave away her apology. “I’m not mad.”

  “Oh, good.” She pulls me into a swift hug. “We had an awesome time last night, huh?”

  “Yep.”

  “And I still can’t believe Archer texted you before we’d even left the parking lot. That guy is so into you.” As she draws back, her eyes sparkle.

  My lips involuntarily push up into a smile. “I couldn’t believe it, either.” Warmth spills across my cheeks when I recall his flirty words.

  “I gotta head out.” She pats my shoulder. “I’m meeting some friends at the mall.”

  “On your day off?”

  She nods.

  I avoid the mall like the plague. But it’s Sophie’s favorite place, so I nod. “’Kay. See ya.”

  She hesitates. “You can come with.”

  Sophie and I live in different worlds. “Nah. I’m good.”

  “Sure? School starts in a week, and you’ll need new clothes. No more uniforms.” Never thought I’d miss those. Kate and I always complained about them. Now I’d give anything to wear one again. My hands ball in agitation at my side, and I pull in a ragged breath. Memories of the life I’ve been forced to leave behind skitter through my mind. When I exhale, I release them.

  “Ugh. I’m not ready for summer to be over.” I say.

  “Not even now that you’ve met Archer?” Her eyebrows rise.

  I melt. This isn’t like me. I’ve never crushed this hard on a boy I just met.

  “So, what do you say?” Sophie continues. “Want to go shopping? I can help you pick out some clothes that will make you irresistible to him.”

  Crap. She has a point. I need clothes. God, I hate shopping.

  “Okay. Give me a minute?”

  Sophie smiles. “Take your time.”

  While I’m dressing, I hear her giggling on her phone. It’ll be weird hanging with Sophie and her friends again. The last time I tagged along, Kate had been with me. It was right before homecoming our sophomore year. Kate had been asked by several guys, but no one had asked me. I was pretty broken up about it, even though I pretended like I didn’t care. But Kate knew me too well. She turned down every guy and ended up going with me. We even wore coordinating dresses.

  But last year we both got our licenses, and we no longer had to hitch a ride with Sophie and her friends.

  Five months ago, I never would’ve agreed to go to the mall with them. And Kate would’ve been the first person I told about Archer. We would be laughing and breaking it down.

  But nothing is the same.

  …

  The mall is crowded. Too crowded. It’s making me break out in hives. Scratching the top of my arm I move closer to my sister. Not that she notices. She’s too busy talking a mile a minute to her friends.

  As we pass an art studio called Paint It Up, I have a memory of Kate laughing at me when I tried to get her to check it out with me. Art wasn’t her thing. It wasn’t mine either, but it could’ve been. It was something that interested me. But Kate’s laughter and teasing kept me from going inside.

  “Kass, we should go in there,” Sophie’s voice interrupts my thoughts. “I think you’d like it.”

  My head snaps up. “Really?” My sister can read minds?

  “Yeah. Definitely your thing.”

  I furrow my brows. Then my gaze follows hers. She’s referring to a clothing shop, not the art studio. “Oh. You were talking about that store.”

  Sophie narrows her eyes. “Of course. What did you think I was talking about?”

  Without meaning to, I glance toward Paint It Up. Then I shake my head. “Nothing. Yeah. Let’s check out the clothing store.”

  Sophie hesitates. “Kass, were you interested in that––art place?”

  Heat rushes to the surface of my skin. Her friends stare at me as if I’m Godzilla stomping my way through the mall. Opening my mouth, I’m about to respond to Sophie’s question when her friend Lily lets out a low, rumbly chest cough. And she doesn’t even cover her mouth. Eyes widening, I imagine her germs shooting through the air and smacking me right in the face. Panic grips me like a hand squeezing my throat. I draw air in through my nose and out my mouth. In and out. In and out. But it’s a losing battle. My breathing is shaky, and sweat blankets my skin. “Are you sick?” I ask.

  Sophie frowns. “Kass,” she snaps. “That’s rude. She just coughed. It’s no big deal.”

  “Yeah, it’s just a cold. Lighten up.” Lily’s expression is a mixture of disgust and boredom.

  “You are sick,” I say. I can’t help the crazy coming from my mouth. My brain is wired wrong, and I can see what I’m doing, but it just won’t stop.

  “We’ll be right back.” Grabbing my arm, Sophie pulls me toward the store closest to us. Once inside, she pins me with a hard stare. “Let it go, okay? It’s just a cold. Even if you get it, it won’t…” She lets the words trail off, but I hear them.

  I always hear them.

  Germs kill. Germs kill. No one knows that better than me. It’s like an unending loop in my head. I can’t shut it off. Ever.

  The words burst from my mouth before I can think them through. “People can die.”

  Groaning, Sophie rolls her eyes. Then she blows out a breath. “Yes. But not every time.”

  I’m being an idiot, and I’ve embarrassed her. I get it. “I know. I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay. Just pull it together.” Glancing over my shoulder, her eyes widen. “Ooh, this top would look so cute on you.” Moving away from me, she snatches up a shirt. It’s black with cut outs in the shoulders and a low scoop neck. So not something I’d pick out.

  “I don’t know.” I squirm.

  “C’mon. Just try it.” I start to shake my head, but she thrusts it into my hand and tugs me toward the dressing room.

  She’s already put up with enough of my crap today, so I do as I’m told.

  “How does it look?” she calls from outside of the curtain.

  “Not sure.” Scrunching up my face, I study my reflection. The shirt is tighter than what I’m used to. But it doesn’t look bad.

  “Let me see.”

  I step out.

  Sophie’s mouth drops. “That’s hot.”

  “Really?”

  “Really.” She says firmly. “We’re buying it.”

  Nodding, I slip back into the dressing room.

  When we leave the store, bag in hand, Sophie nudges me. “Imagine what Archer will say when he sees you in that.”

  My cheeks flush, and I lower my gaze.

  Sophie’s friends are standing nearby and they wave us over. I take a step in their direction, ready to apologize to Lily. But then Sophie stops me, and points at Paint It Up. “Are you interested in that place?”

  “Maybe.”

  “Go inside and sign up for a class.” Sophie urges.

  Having second thoughts, I shake my head. “Nah. I’m no good at art.”

  “How do you know if you’ve never tried it?” Sophie’s eyes sparkle with possibilities, and my heart lifts a little. “At least go inside and grab a flyer. We’ll be in that store.” She points in the direction of a popular clothing store. “Come find us.”

  Stomach rolling, I nod. She’s right. This is my chance. Not just the painting class. Everything. My new school. Senior year. Archer. I can’t keep letting what happened hold me back. Mom said it’s okay for me to be happy now, and I want to believe her. I’m tired of feeling guilty and sad.

  I need to move forward.

  And as long as no one finds out about my past, it’s possible.

  Chapter Seven

  Archer

  @archerdev1 Now that my brother is on tour, he finally found a legit excuse not to help with chores. #thehazardsofhavingatwin #hesontour #imtheonemowingthelawn

  Mac: Wanna hang out?
/>   Me: Can’t. Chores.

  Mac: Make Ross do them.

  Me: Ha! I wish.

  Mac: Already left?

  Me: Yep.

  Mac: Bet you regret making that demo video for them.

  Me: Nah.

  Mac: Now you have to do all the work.

  Me: Why don’t you come help?

  Me: Mac?

  Me: Not even a comeback, huh?

  Me: Now I know how to get you to shut up.

  …

  Ross: Dude, if you missed me, you could’ve texted instead of tweeting about me.

  Me: I miss you helping with the chores.

  Ross: Asked you to come on tour with us.

  Me: Don’t want to be your assistant.

  Ross: You could’ve done other stuff.

  Me: I’ve got my own stuff going on here.

  Ross: Then quit your bitching.

  …

  Archer Devlin

  Can’t believe summer is over in less than a week! Senior year, here I come.

  John Cruise We’re gonna rule the school, bro.

  Brody “Mac” MacMillan I’ve already been ruling the school.

  John Cruise You wish.

  Ella Marsh Ugh. Don’t remind me. I wish I was on tour like Ross and didn’t have to go back to school.

  Rachel Spencer You don’t wish you were Ross. You wish you were with Ross.

  Ella Marsh LOL! Right?

  Brody “Mac” MacMillan I’ll take you on tour, Ella. A tour on the Mac machine.

  Ella Marsh I’ll pass.

  John Cruise The Mac Machine, making people puke since 1999.

  Brody “Mac” MacMillan Screw you, John.

  Chapter Eight

  Kassidy

  #4—Crush on a boy

  It’s the night before school starts, and I’m having second thoughts. If I were going back to Hamilton Academy, I’d have an entire week of summer left. I glance at my uniforms from last year, hanging in the closet. My heart pinches. Exhaling in frustration, I pick up a T-shirt from the pile of clothes on my bed. I’m still not any closer to figuring out what to wear tomorrow.

  Tossing the shirt aside, I snatch up my phone. Nothing from Archer. I had been hoping he’d text tonight. When we met, he’d promised to show me around campus. I’ve sort of been banking on it.

  Not that he has any obligation to me.