Head Above Water Read online

  I see the pictures the minute I enter my bedroom. They’re scattered across the top of my dresser, an array of bright colors and glossy hues. Heather’s blond hair catches my eye. I hesitantly pick up one of the pictures and hold it up. Heather and I are standing side by side wearing goofy grins, waving our hands in the air and being silly. We must be around four years old. Running my fingertips over the picture, I trace Heather’s face, her features that are exactly like mine. We are mirror images of each other. In fact, you can hardly tell us apart since Mom has us dressed in identical red dresses. Our blond hair curls around her chubby cheeks. I pluck up another photo. This one is of us running through the sprinkler in the backyard. We have on matching bathing suits, our hair soaking down our backs. Heather is wearing a mischievous grin, but I look serious. I study it wondering what I was thinking about, all dark and brooding like that.

  The familiar ache of missing Heather spreads through my chest. I drop the pictures and start to turn around when one image stops me. I snatch it up, my stomach flipping. It’s of me in the ocean, my dad holding me in his arms. Foamy waves crash around us, but I’m smiling and content in the arms of my father. I’ve never seen this picture before, and it tugs at my heart. Before now I’ve never seen a picture of myself happy at the beach. Also, it makes me miss the happier times with Dad.

  Footsteps ring out in the hall, firm and loud.

  “What’s this?” Dad murmurs, causing my heart to stop.

  I peek out to see Dad bending over to pick up something from the ground. When he stands up he holds a photograph in between his thick fingers.

  Clearing my throat, I say, “Mom found pictures of Heather and me in her room. She must’ve dropped one.”

  Dad looks up at me, his brows knit together. He flaps the picture. “Heather looks cute here. She had the spunkiest little personality.”

  I nod, my stomach tightening. I’ve never heard him say something like that about me. His lips are even curled upward in a slight smile. That almost never happens.

  Holding out the picture I’m holding, I say, “Look, Mom found one of you and me.”

  He cocks his head to the side, his gaze connecting with the glossy image. “Ah.” His gaze slides from the picture I’m holding to the one in his hand. “I think I’ll keep this one of Heather.” With that, he brushes past me and heads toward his room.

  Feeling like I’ve just been punched in the gut, I lower my head. My cell buzzes in my pocket, and the photo I’m holding slips from my fingers. It flutters to the floor, landing face up in the carpet. Reaching into my pocket, I pull out the phone and glance at the caller ID.

  “Hey, Kate,” I answer, slipping back into my room.

  “Hey. I didn’t catch you in the middle of anything, did I?” Her tone holds a hint of teasing.

  “No. I’m at home.”

  “Oh. Good. I thought maybe you were with the yummy lifeguard and I didn’t want to interrupt anything. Like in case you were doing some more lip-locking.”

  I giggle, but my lips tingle at the memory. “What’s up?”

  “I wanted to check in with my best friend.”

  “You’re totally fishing. I’m not going to divulge any secrets about me and Tag.”

  “Oh, come on. I tell you everything about the guys I date. You owe me.”

  “This is different,” I say, leaning my back against the dresser.

  “How? Do tell.”

  I roll my eyes. Why did I say that? She’s practically salivating. I can hear it in her voice. “I don’t know. It just is.”

  “Seriously, you’ve got to give me something. How am I supposed to live vicariously through you if you keep everything to yourself?”

  I shove off the dresser and make my way across the room. “Why do you need to live vicariously through me? You date way more guys than I do.”

  “I know, but never a lifeguard. You know that’s always been a fantasy of mine.”

  I sink down on my bed. “It has? I didn’t know that.”

  “Yeah. I’ve told you that before.”

  Mentally I run through all the fantasies Kate has shared with me. Firefighters, rockstars, actors. “I don’t remember you mentioning that.”

  “Well, I have.” She huffs. “But you’re the one dating one, and you don’t even swim.”

  “Why does everyone keep harping on that?” I scratch the back of my neck in irritation.

  “Whoa. Someone’s testy. That time of the month?”

  “No,” I snap. “Mom was getting on me about not swimming too. She finished cleaning out Heather’s room, and she was feeling guilty or something. She wanted to have a heart-to-heart, but it ended in her pointing out all my flaws.” Sighing, I lie back on the bed.

  “So she really did it, huh? She cleaned out Heather’s room?”

  “Yeah.”

  “How do you feel about that?” Kate’s voice softens.

  “Fine. Sad. I don’t know. My emotions are kinda all over the place, I guess.”

  “That makes sense.”

  “And Mom found all these pictures of Heather and me. That’s what I was looking at when you called.”

  “You okay?” The concern in Kate’s voice almost breaks.

  I sit up, brushing the hair from my face. “Yeah.”

  “I didn’t mean to get on you about the swimming thing. I was teasing you.”

  “I know.” I smile, grateful for Kate. She’s rough around the edges and super sarcastic most of the time, but she’s always been a good friend to me.

  After we hang up, I get a text from Tag.

  Tag: It’s lonely over here without my nurse

  A grin breaks out on my face.

  Me: Is that supposed to be a subtle hint?

  Tag: I didn’t think it was subtle at all.

  I laugh.

  Me: I can be there in 30 minutes

  Tag: C U then

  Biting my lip, I stand up. Funny how my sour mood could turn around in one text conversation. That boy is really getting under my skin. The odd thing is that it doesn’t scare me as much as it should.

  14

  TAG

  I’VE NEVER BEEN so happy to be up at five am before. I seriously was going to go crazy if I had to spend one more day at home. Don’t get me wrong. I loved the times when Harper was over, but she had to work most of the week which left me alone with Mom all day. Can you say boring? I’m so ready to get back to the sun, sand and water. I miss the rush of adrenaline during a rescue. I miss the sun on my face and the smell of the ocean.

  “Look whose back.” Clint greets me when I show up at our morning meeting. “Hey, buddy.” He claps me on the back.

  “Hey, Clint.”

  He studies my face. “Looking good, man. I can’t even tell you were hurt.”

  I touch the cut on my head. It’s all healed now, the stitches removed, but I know it’ll leave a nasty scar. Thankfully it’s pretty much hidden beneath my hairline. Let’s hope I don’t go bald when I’m older.

  “Welcome back, Tag.” Lewis materializes in front of me, clipboard in his hand, whistle hanging around his neck. His dark hair curls at the edges around his face reminding me of one of those boy band haircuts. His white tank top is a startling contrast to his dark skin.

  “Thanks. Glad to be back,” I tell him honestly. The other lifeguards swarm around all chatting loudly. Sarah eyes me, giving me a shy smile. It causes me to cringe. Going out with her was a mistake. One that I wish I could correct. Sarah and I dated for a little while a few months ago. She’s cute and she made it clear early on that she liked me. In fact, one night after work a group of us hung out at the beach and Sarah was flirting with me all night. I thought what the hell and asked her out. It got the guys off my back anyway. I don’t date very often and get razzed for it all the time at work. It’s no secret that girls are interested. Clint’s statement the other day about girls liking lifeguards is a fact.

  But Sarah was clingy and needy. I couldn’t handle it. Maybe it wouldn’t ha
ve been so bad if I had been into her, but as nice and cute as she was, I wasn’t into her the way she was into me. And then I met Harper. My heart stutters at the mere thought of Harper. I turn away from Sarah’s searing gaze. She may be cute, but she doesn’t hold a candle to Harper. There’s something special about her. Something different and exciting that I’ve never found in any other girl.

  I don’t return Sarah’s smile and her eyes darken. It makes me feel like an asshole, but I don’t want to lead her on anymore. The truth is that I never really broke things off, just never asked her out again. It’s not like we were a couple or anything. But the way she’s looking at me now makes me wonder if I should have talked with her.

  “I hope it was okay that I called that girl.” Lewis fidgets with his clipboard, drawing my attention back to him. “I didn’t know who else to call. You didn’t give an emergency contact on your employment paperwork.”

  I nod. “No, that was great. Harper was the right person to call.”

  “Then maybe you should add her to your paperwork. If you hadn’t left your phone here I wouldn’t have known who to call.”

  “Okay. Yeah, I’ll do that later,” I say to appease him. There’s no way I can add Harper as my emergency contact. We haven’t even defined our relationship yet. Although I’m hoping to do that soon. I want to know that she’s only mine. The thought of another guy touching her makes me see red.

  When Lewis turns around, Clint eyes me funny. “Harper, huh? Is that the girl who almost drowned?”

  “Uh-huh.” My jaw tightens. Is she forever going to be known that way around here?

  “You seeing her again?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Man, it was the accident, wasn’t it? Got her feeling all sorry for you. She wanted to nurse you back to health.” He slaps his thigh. “You are slick, man.”

  I smile, but inside I’m wondering what the hell he’s talking about. Does he think I staged the accident to get a girl? Seriously Clint is a little crazy. Then again, I guess it was the accident that brought Harper and I back together. A sick thought lands in the pit of my stomach making me feel ill. Now that I’m all better, will Harper still want to be with me or will she have second thoughts again?

  After the meeting I gather the stuff I need from my locker and head to my tower. When I reach it I have that amazing feeling of coming home. Which I guess is weird, since I spent the last week at home. But the beach is my true home. It’s the place I feel most like me. A twinge of regret hits me when I realize that I will never share this with Harper. Doubt pricks me at the thought, making me wonder if Harper and I can really work out. I like her so much, and we have a lot in common. We’re the same in the ways that matter. We both know what it feels like to lose someone we love; to experience unimaginable grief and survive. But we’re also really different, and I worry that those differences will eventually be our undoing.

  With the sun on my face, I climb up into my chair and plop down. The sea opens up in front of me, shimmering and blue. It’s almost like she’s opening up her arms and welcoming me back. I lean over with my elbows on my knees and reach for my binoculars. It’s pretty quiet out here this morning, but a few people pepper the sandy beach. A light breeze washes over me, carrying with it a fishy scent. I sigh, content.

  “You really missed it, didn’t you?” I jerk toward the familiar voice.

  She stands in front of me like a mirage. Her blond hair swishes around her face in the breeze and her eyes shine under the bright sunlight.

  “Harper? What are you doing here?” I hop down from my chair and sand slides into my flip flops.

  “I came to see my favorite lifeguard.” She bites her lip the way she does so often. It makes me want to kiss her so damn bad, but I hold back. I’m at work after all.

  “I can’t believe you’re here at the beach. You said you’d never set foot on it again.” I glance back at the ocean, scouring the waters. It’s almost empty, but I make sure everyone looks safe. Once I’m satisfied I turn back to Harper.

  “It surprised me too.” She lets out a stilted laugh, and I detect the nervousness in it.

  “Then why are you here?” I’m pressing, but I don’t care. I want to know. I want her to say the words; to tell me what I mean to her.

  “I never had a reason to come back here after Heather died. It held nothing but bad memories for me. But then I met you, and now I have a reason.”

  My heart soars. “So what you’re saying is that you wanted to see me shirtless again?” I wink.

  Giggling, she shakes her head. “How did I know you were going to say something like that?”

  I grab her around the waist and settle her against me. “Because you’re starting to know me.”

  “Hmm mmm.” Her tone is shy, her eyes downcast.

  “Harper?”

  She looks up at me.

  “I’m glad that I’m your reason.” I kiss her swiftly on the mouth and then release her. “I wish I could kiss you all day long, but I’ve got to keep my eye on the water.”

  “I understand. I didn’t mean to distract you.”

  “Hey. Don’t ever apologize. I love seeing you.” I climb back into my chair and scan the beach. Harper leans against the tower. She kicks off her sandals and swirls her red lacquered toenails in the sand. A group of college-aged girls walk by, giggling. One of them looks over at me, throwing me a wink and a wave. I smile politely and then return my attention to Harper.

  ”I think I’ll hang out a little if that’s okay,” she says.

  I smile. “It’s more than okay.”

  “Gotta keep those girls away from my man.”

  My head snaps up at her words. “Your man, huh?”

  Her cheeks flush and she clasps and unclasps her hands in quick succession. “Um…I didn’t mean…” she starts to backtrack.

  It’s so damn cute it keeps all my willpower to stay seated and not sweep her up into my arms. “Harper?”

  Her eyes meet mine. Ah, those blue eyes. They kill me.

  “I like the sound of that.”

  “You do?”

  “Yeah. It would be weird if I wasn’t your man because I consider you my girl.”

  She smiles. “Your girl? I like it.”

  “I like you,” I say candidly.

  “I like you too.”

  Hell, she owns me.

  Harper hangs out at the tower all morning. Sometimes she sits in the sand drawing pictures with her fingers. Other times we chat, but I’m careful to keep my eyes on the water. It’s an uneventful day, but I’m grateful. I’m afraid that a rescue might scare Harper. Finally it’s time for my break, and I can hardly contain my excitement. It’s been hell keeping my hands off of Harper all morning. The minute my replacement shows up allowing me to leave my post, I grab Harper around the waist and pull her to me until our chests touch. Then I steal a kiss on her soft lips.

  “Thanks for hanging with me today.”

  She shrugs. “Nothing else to do. Kate’s working and everyone knows there’s nothing good on TV on Saturday.”

  “I guess I should be grateful to Kate and the TV networks then.”

  She smiles, and I want to nibble on those perfect lips. Her fingers flutter over my chest. “I might have still chosen you over them.”

  “You might have, huh?” I hover my lips over hers. “Then I guess I am a lucky guy.”

  “You really are,” She teases. Then surprises me by taking the initiative and pressing her lips to mine. I growl as I grip her tighter and kiss her with everything I have.

  “Dude, get a room,” Clint hollers as he jogs toward us.

  I chuckle. “You know you love it!”

  “Dude, I’m not that kinda guy,” Clint says in jest. His gaze lands on Harper and his eyebrows raise in appreciation. Holding out a hand he says, “You must be Harper. I’m Clint.”

  She grins. “Ah, so you’ve heard about me.”

  “Yes, I have. But Tag here didn’t give me the full story. He did not tell me h
ow hot you are.”

  I cringe at his words and tighten my grip on Harper. I don’t like his flirtatious tone. But Harper doesn’t even seem to notice him. Her eyes are locked on me. I relax a bit realizing that Harper isn’t taken in by Clint’s charms at all. She’s my girl, and she’s making damn sure he knows it.

  I kiss her right in front of Clint. “I’d love to stick around and chat, but I’ve only got a fifteen-minute break. And as cute as you are, Clint, I think I’d rather spend it with Harper.”

  Clint laughs. “Yeah, I am cute, but I get it.” He shoos us. “Go have fun.”

  I slap him in the arm and wink. Clint may lack some tact, but he’s a good guy. I don’t know what came over me earlier. Jealousy isn’t an emotion I’m familiar with. It kind of caught me off guard.

  “He seems nice.” Harper threads her fingers through mine as we walk up the beach.

  “He definitely seemed to like you.”

  “Too bad for him I’m taken.”

  “Yes, too bad for Clint.” I lean in close to her. “But really great for me.”

  That smile again. I’ve never been so enamored with a girl’s smile before. Man, where has she been all my life?

  We reach a boulder and I sit down on it, pulling Harper into my lap. I circle my arms around her waist and rest my head on her shoulder. She smells like apples, and it becomes my favorite scent on earth, even surpassing the ocean.

  “So, I’ve been thinking,” Harper says, staring out at the waves. It’s mesmerizing the way they reflect in her eyes. “I might take you up on your offer.”

  “My offer?” I’m confused.

  “To teach me to swim.”

  Her words stun me. It’s not at all what I was expecting her to say. She seemed so adamant about not learning. “Really?”

  A beat. A tiny shiver. “Yeah. I think so.”

  “You don’t have to do this for me.”

  “I’m not. I’m doing it for me.” A boy runs past and throws a frisbee toward a dog that’s running down the beach a few feet in front of him.